Dear Cancer,
Let me begin by saying...You Suck!
I despise what you are doing to my body, my mind and my emotions.
I hate the pain you are inflicting on me, my husband, my family and friends.
I abhor the limitations you are placing on my life and my time with the ones I hold dear.
Despite the cruel and callous way you are dealing with me, My God has given me immeasurable blessings and amazing truths in defiance of the hurt and lies you inflict.
God has given me a wonderful husband who is faithful and strong. God knew the exact man who would be my friend, love and partner-in-crime. He understood that my story would need a hero, so He sent me Jay.
My God has given us a family who will drop everything to be with Jay and I in a moment's notice. He has blessed Jay and I with parents, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces and nephews who are a constant source of love and comfort.
My Father has blessed me with friends who are my angels on earth. He has sent me a very special angel who has traveled thousands of miles to sit with me, read scripture to me, laugh and cry with me. She places her life on hold to attend to our daily needs. Carolyne is our angel.
God has taught me that no matter how scary scans, needles, radiation and chemo can be, if I listen closely during these times, I can hear Him telling me that hundreds of prayers for me are being carried to His throne...and He hears them all.
He has taught me that pain filled, sleepless nights are the perfect time to talk with Him, sing to Him and just be with Him.
My Abba Father has taught me that it is alright to cry and mourn the short time I have on earth. He has captured (and will capture) every tear in His bottle and record each one in His book. (Psalm 6:8)
He has shown me that it is normal to feel fear, however, I do not need to dwell on it. He has shown me that He is big enough to handle my fears, doubts, frustrations and feelings, whether good or bad.
God has shown me that simple times are the best times. Life is best enjoyed when you keep things simple and don't allow yourself to get caught up in the craziness of the world.
He has taught me that life truly is a vapor - it is such a small part of His much bigger and better plan. Planning for heaven while here is essential. We need to know about and look forward to our real and everlasting home.
He has instructed that no matter how difficult, I must hold onto this life loosely. This is not our forever - hold on tightly to eternity.
He has directed me to look for grace everyday. Some days it is elusive and the search seems exhausting, but it is always there. Some days you have to fight for grace and joy, but it is always worth it.
My God has taught me to be able to laugh at myself and my circumstances. Laughter can really be great medicine and it is very difficult to be afraid if you are laughing.
Abba has taught me that cancer may temporarily separate me from those I love, however, He will be certain to re-unite us in a place more beautiful that we can dream or imagine.
God has promised me that no matter how cancer mars, disfigures, or damages my physical body, He will give me a brand new body that is glorious just like Jesus'. (Philippians 3:21)
Most important of all:
No matter what you may throw at me, cancer - My God is BIGGER than you and in the end, My God and I will WIN!
