Hospice originally meant a rest house for travelers- for pilgrims.
As a traveler, having a place to stop and rest before continuing to our destination is a beautiful haven. Having a place to rest, re-group and review our final journey plans is a comforting gift.
Not everyone has the opportunity to experience hospice care. For those fortunate enough to be able to, it is the gift of comfort, rest and grace during the final phase of our journey.
“This is as good as it will ever be.”, I was told last week. Good to know- hard to hear - needed to hear. I don’t want the facts danced around or dressed up to look better than they are.
FACT: I’m dying.
FACT: It sucks.
I was told that because I’m young, my body will give out before my soul does. (They were referring to my internal drive to keep going, not my soul that will fly home to be with God.) My soul says I’m young, I’m not finished with all I want to know and see and do. However, my body, that has been wracked with cancer for many years, can only take so much.
I can actually feel the tug-o-war taking place between the two.
I’m growing weary, my pain is constant yet managed. I live in a fog of pain medication and fatigue. I’m bed bound with exception of the few times a day Jay helps me to the bathroom.
I’m thankful for hospice as I complete my journey. I’m forever grateful there are people who will say, “I’m going to be with you every step of the way. We will figure this out together.” As they work to manage my pain and symptoms, they tell me to do whatever I want/can do. If you want to sleep all day, do it. If you want to stay up and watch movies all night, do it. Gummy bears for dinner? If that’s what you want, do it.
This part of the journey isn’t about chemo regimens, strict diets, and last ditch efforts to stop the cancer. It isn’t about schedules, doctor appointments, meetings, surgeries, blood draws or transfusions. It’s about being as comfortable in as many ways possible. Cancer is far from comfortable-the key is finding what is comforting despite the cancer and decline. Here is what I’ve found comforting lately:
* Easy to read devotionals. My brain fog causes a lack of the ability to concentrate, so easy reading is great.
* Food Network-big shocker to anyone who knows me. I can doze in and out and not really miss anything.
* Laughter- nowadays laughter can be hard to come by. Everything seems so serious. Managing pain, lymphedema, and all manner of random drug side effects and new/worsening symptoms seem to take up most of our energy. So, when something strikes that makes us laugh, oh, it is as if the heavens have opened and presented us with the most marvelous gift. I vote for less seriousness and more laughter.
* Snuggling, sleeping, snoring shih tzus. Our babies give us a great deal of comfort. They sleep with me most of the day and just their presence is comforting.
* Texts and emails from family and friends. Just notes dropped here and there to say I love you. I know I’m not alone, I know I have prayers and love and light flowing toward me always.
* Holding hands with Jay. This simple act has always been a great comfort to me. It gives me strength and peace.
Hospice- a place to stop, rest and find comfort while on your pilgrimage. A group of people willing to walk with you as you take your final steps. A group of people who open their hearts and allow you in so they can help carry you, if need be, on this last path of your journey.
Rest easy, rest comfortably. We will help you figure this out.
