Guest Post by: Ginger Hawk

A while ago, I asked a few people who have journeyed with us, if they would graciously write a guest post for the blog. Sweetly - they agreed. 

When my precious friend Mandy asked me to consider writing a guest post about my recent visit for her blog, I have to admit my initial reaction was one of terror. Okay, that might be an exaggeration…but only a slight one. I have not been blessed with the gift of writing (at least not the ability to enjoy doing it), but I am honored that she asked me to do this. So here goes…

I had wanted to make the trip to visit Mandy for quite some time, but for several reasons it had not been possible for me to do so. This past summer it became clear that I didn’t need to put off making it happen any longer, so my husband Mark and I worked it out for me to make my first trip to Flagstaff in mid September. He and I are also preparing to make the trip there together later this month.

Mentally preparing for that first trip, I relied heavily on our dear mutual friend Carolyne, who had gone to Flagstaff for a visit with the Smiths at the end of July and had traveled at least twice before to be with Mandy, even going to Chicago back when she was receiving treatments. Carolyne gave me a general idea of what to expect while there, and I was very thankful for that mental preparation, though I still felt unprepared for what my heart would experience and very much appreciated the prayers of many back home as I embarked on what I considered to be, emotionally, the hardest trip of my life (so far).

Something that became clear when I got to Jay & Mandy’s house is that nothing is predictable when one is dealing with cancer and the multiple medications that accompany it. When Carolyne had visited just two weeks before my trip, Mandy was extremely lethargic and had to nap quite a bit, so they both advised me to bring plenty to keep me busy during those down times. Mandy even apologized that she wouldn’t be her usual energetic self that I remembered, and I repeatedly reminded her that I am a homebody who has no problem keeping contentedly busy around the house. Come to find out, Mandy had been fatigued because of the side effects of a new medication she had been taking and had since weaned herself off of it. So the whole time I was there, while she clearly wasn’t the same energetic person she used to be and was now using a walker and even occasional supplemental oxygen, she at least didn’t have to take extra naps just to make it through the day, and we were able to maximize our time together.

As I think back on it, I find myself remembering three distinct aspects of the routine that developed. The mornings were my alone time. Since my internal clock was operating two hours ahead, I woke up early and had time to myself each morning to think and read and pray, and that’s when I did most of my crying. I didn’t schedule it that way, it just happened. I’m not usually much of a crier, but one of my biggest fears had been not being able to control my emotions in front of Mandy, so I felt particularly thankful that the waterworks happened in private (for the most part).

Each day, once Mandy was up and ready for breakfast, she and I spent many hours sitting in the living room together, drinking coffee and eating ginormous bagels, talking, watching the dogs play, enjoying the beautiful view from their large open windows, and making friendship bracelets. This time was an unexpectedly sweet gift of contented peacefulness and what Mandy calls normalcy, and we were quite aware of the grace of it in the moment.

The final part of our daily routine that stands out in my memory was the evening-time wound care. Mandy has been pretty transparent on her blog about what she is experiencing with the growth of her tumors, and Carolyne had given me even more details. I wasn’t sure if I would be able to handle watching as Jay went through the process of dressing the wound where the tumor has broken through the skin of her abdomen. (As I told Jay the first day, I could never be a nurse.) However, when it came time each night I felt honored that they allowed me to be an observer in the room and found that I didn’t have any trouble being there for my dear friends in whatever small way they needed/wanted me to be (photographer, ace-wrap holder, etc.). More grace.

Though my main reason for being there those few days was to have some precious time with Mandy and to be whatever help I could be (I wasn’t much), seeing how well Jay takes care of her was an unexpected blessing for me as well. I was struck by how he was able to go about the daily responsibilities of life with a calmness, sense of humor, and humility that never showed any indication of the load of stress that I know he carries. He is an incredibly dedicated husband, “nurse,” and provider for Mandy and a sweet daddy to their two fur-babies. It was a joy to witness the deep love that Jay & Mandy share. God sure knew what he was doing when he brought the two of them together 22+ years ago. They have created a space together that is welcoming, serene, and soothing, even in the midst of their ongoing struggles. I have rarely felt so at home and at peace someplace other than my own home.

Mandy spoke freely of what she was experiencing physically, the preparations she has made for the future as well as the plans she wants Jay to carry out for her later on. I don’t think there is anything that she hasn’t thought of or isn’t willing to talk about, and while I sometimes found I had no idea how to respond in those moments, I greatly admired her transparency and candidness. Despite her own periods of denial that she has alluded to in her writing, while I was there I sensed only that Mandy has her eyes wide open, eager to know what to expect and willing to accept it all with dignity. I also admire that she allows her loved ones to process the stages of her journey in whatever way they need to and lovingly accepts everyone wherever they are on the spectrum of acceptance/denial.

There are so many more details of my experience that stand out, such as going for walks with Noel and Manchu and Jay (and once with Mandy too) in the afternoons, rooting for Notre Dame in a football game for the first time ever, sightseeing in Sedona, learning to bake bread from scratch, laughing at J&M’s random quoting of The Big Bang Theory, getting lots of puppy kisses and snuggles from Noel, and of course praying with and for my dear friend the night before I left.

As I look forward to going back in a few days for another visit, this time with Mark by my side, I find that my excitement to see Mandy & Jay is again tempered by my dread of having to say goodbye. Goodbyes have been extraordinarily difficult for me my whole life, and when I left Mandy the last time it was really hard, but I did so knowing I would be coming back soon. I have a feeling I will be saying that this time as well but with less certainty of the when and how of it. What I do know is that God is good and that He will provide what is needed.

Over the past few years I have learned a great deal from Mandy about what true day-to-day trust in the Lord looks like. Her faith has kept her grounded when the basic things that the rest of us take for granted have been taken from her. She has been an inspiration to me as she has so many others, and I am blessed beyond measure to have been able to call her friend. My time with her has been a priceless gift that I will always treasure.

And, Mandy, even though you’ve made me do hard things over the years… like shopping for clothes and antiques (I still haven’t quite forgiven you for that one day) and writing a guest blog post and saying goodbye again and again…I love you BIG! ♥