Jehovah-Raah...The Lord is My Shepherd

The Lord is My Shepherd, I Have All I Need (Psalm 23:1, NLT)

How many of us can say those words and really mean them? In Jesus, I have all I need.

It is so easy to become caught up in the world's ideal of more...more money...more house...more stuff. King David tells us that, as sheep, our Shepherd is all we need.

The role of the Shepherd is demanding. The Shepherd must live with his flock at all times. He must be able to understand and predict what the sheep need better than they do. He goes before them and searches out the best path for them to travel and find nourishment. He understands the threats to their health and well being. He knows how to protect and watch over them. He works tirelessly to provide for them. His entire life is his flock.

As a result, his sheep recognize and trust his voice. They will follow ONLY his voice.


As the Lord's "flock", we also have certain sheep-like tendencies:
We are often foolish and irrational. We are slow to learn. Life lessons can be painful, and if we are not careful, we can become ensnared in our poor choices. We are often stubborn and demanding. We want our own way and fool ourselves into believing that we are totally independent. Our inflated sense of self can cause us to wander off the path Jesus has chosen for us and leave us in need of rescue.

Jesus said, "I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd sacrifices his life for the sheep." (John 10:11)

"If a man has a hundred sheep and one of them gets lost, what will he do? Won't he leave the ninety-nine others in the wilderness and go to search for the one that is lost until he finds it?" (Luke 15:4)

Jesus, our Shepherd, was not only willing to search and call for us, He was willing to sacrifice His life for ours.

Listen closely.
Hear only His voice.
Follow only the path He lays out for you.

Jesus is our Shepherd - In Him, we have ALL we need.

Blessings,
Mandy

Praise in All Circumstances - New Chemo Time

I received notice last week that our prayers to heal the cdiff infection were answered.
In the dressing room at Dillards I repeated "Thank you Jesus" over and over. The poor sales lady probably thought I'd just found the perfect pair of jeans.

With this good news, we were able to pack up and go to Texas to spend Thanksgiving with my family. We enjoyed a precious week with them. Even with an extra day due to an ice storm, our time there was over much too quickly.

During our stay, my oncologist office phoned to schedule my new chemo regimen. On December 9, I will begin treatment. Once every 21 days, I will go to the cancer center in Phoenix to receive my Avastin infusion. I will also be taking a chemo called Cytoxan once a day via an oral pill. I have done this same regimen before and remember well the side effects. Let's just say, the memories are not fond ones. I will be spending alot of time "home bound" due to low white blood counts. Especially this time of year, being around large crowds of people can be very dangerous. Even a slight cold can turn critical quickly. I have been stocking up on Christmas movies, coloring books and e-books to keep myself entertained.

While in Texas, I had to have one of the hardest conversations I've ever had with my Dad. I have been working on my Living Will and Medical Power of Attorney. I have to have two people who are willing and able to execute my Advanced Directives if the time comes when I cannot advocate for myself. Jay, of course, is my primary advocate. I want my second advocate to be my Daddy. So, with tears in both our eyes, I asked....he agreed. After a long, teary hug, we do what we Durr's do best. Shake it off, man up and move forward.

Now begins the physical, mental and spiritual preparations. The tumors are growing. There are two that I can see through the skin in my abdomen. One has been present for a while. It has just been in the last week that we are able to see the second one. They are growing larger and the pain is growing stronger. We have been working to control the pain, but it will be a trial and error process.

As we proceed next week, as always, we covet your prayers. Thank you to all our prayer warriors. We thank God for you and we give Him glory in all circumstances.

Blessings,
Mandy

When God Doesn't Heal

Jehovah Rapha

The Lord Who Heals You

I must admit that I have greatly struggled with this writing. In fact, I really wanted to just ignore this name of God and save it for last. Something, however, has continued compelling me to write this and not just ignore it.

The Bible is full of scripture about healing. Old Testament and New Testament people cried out to God for healing and received it. Jesus spent a fair amount of his ministry healing people. What happens when we, like the people in scripture, call out to God in faith for healing...and it doesn't come?

The Apostle Paul experienced this. Paul prayed three times for God to remove his "thorn in the flesh". I have no idea what illness or injury Paul was dealing with. There have been many speculations, but all we know is that Paul didn't want it in his life, yet God did. God told Paul that His grace was sufficient for him, so Paul continued his ministry in spite of his physical impairment,

For nearly 20 years, I and my family and friends (along with many people I've never met) have prayed that I would be healed from cancer. Forget just 3 times like Paul - we've flooded heavens gates with petitions and pleas for 20 years. Even though God has chosen not to heal me of this cancer, He has blessed me with 20 years to spend with my husband, family and friends. I've been privileged to experience many good things in those 20 years. 

Nothing is too hard for the Almighty, but the Psalmist still cries out "In the course of my life, he broke my strength, he cut short my days." (Psalm 102:33)

If nothing is impossible for God, why does he sometimes choose not to heal? Why does it seem as though He would rather leave us in pain?

C.S. Lewis writes in his book "The Problem with Pain"

"God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts in our pain, it is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world."

What is the message God is sending us through our pain?

Our sickness and pain gives us only a small glimpse of the misery we would suffer eternally separated from the Lord's blessings. Often times, our sickness and pain is a wake up call to turn our hearts back to the Lord and avoid the eternal suffering of being in the darkness away from His presence.

For some, the sickness and pain they experience, is to accomplish a greater purpose for them and for God. Like the Apostle Paul, his weakness showed the mighty hand of God in a way that physical healing could not.

Joni Eareckson Tada gives some excellent, practical advise for those suffering physical pain or limitations:

1. Accept the pain and embrace God through it. Don't fight against the pain that God has allowed in your life - accept it and ask God to give you the strength to go through it, the grace to benefit from it and the devotion to thank him for his love for you in all circumstances.

2. Use your pain to bring God glory. While illness limits you, there's no limit to the amount of glory you can bring God by choosing to trust him in the middle of pain.

3. Find ultimate healing. Look forward to enjoying heaven, where you'll never suffer any physical problems again and even better - you will never be weighed down by sin again.

The song "Even If" by Kutless says it better than I can:

" Even if healing doesn't come and life falls apart and dreams are still undone - You are God - You are Good - Forever Faithful One, Even if the healing doesn't come.

You are still the Great and Mighty One, we trust you always. You're working all things for our good. We'll sing your praise. You are God and we will bless you as the Good and Faithful One - You are God and we will bless you - Even if the healing doesn't come.

Blessings,

Mandy

God is Peace

Jehovah Shalom

Yahweh Shalom

God is Peace

Yahweh Shalom - God is Peace

This is the name given by Gideon at the altar he built on the spot where the angel of the Lord appeared to him. (Judges 6:23)

Peace is the deepest desire of the human heart. Peace represents contentment and satisfaction in life. Our hearts crave peace. 

God has always understood how much we need peace:

"Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed", says the Lord, who has compassion on you. (Isaiah 54:10)

" And I will make an agreement of peace with them; it will be an eternal agreement with them; and I will have mercy on them and make their numbers great, and will put my holy place among them forever."  (Ezekiel 37:26)

Lord, you establish peace for us; all that we have accomplished, you have done for us. (Isaiah 26:12)

The Lord gives His people strength. The Lord blesses His people with peace. (Psalm 29:11)

God promised to restore Israel not only physically but spiritually.  This promise of peace was ultimately to be fulfilled by Jesus. 

For a child is born to us, a son is given to us. The government will rest on his shoulders and he will be called: Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. (Isaiah 9:6)

Jesus is the Prince of Peace. Jesus reminds us that He IS peace. When Jesus left this world to return to heaven, He knew that we would still need Him to give us peace. He left us peace through the Holy Spirit.  The Holy Spirit is the very presence of God within us and all believers, helping us live as God wants, working for us and in us.

"I have told you these things, so that you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." (John 16:33)

" Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not be afraid." (John 14:27)

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. (Romans 15:13)

The world's view of peace is very different from God's view of peace. 

PEACE - it does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart. - Author Unknown

The peace of the world is the absence of any trouble, worry or fears. The peace of God is is confidence and assurance that, despite any circumstance, He is with us. This world does not have the final say - Jesus has overcome the world!

What do we do when God's peace seems elusive? So often we ask for peace, beg for peace, yet it seems the gates of heaven have been closed to our pleas.

We must TRUST! We cannot receive the peace of God when our heart and mind is full of worry. Worry shows that we are not trusting in God - it takes our mind off God and places it on our current or future problems. 

Do not worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank Him for all He has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ. (Philippians 4:6-9)

We cannot experience the peace of God unless we are trusting and focusing on Him.

Worrying does not take away tomorrow's troubles, it takes away today's peace. - Author Unknown

Have you lost your peace? Are you struggling to find peace? First, pray. Tell God what you need, what is troubling you. Next, give thanks. Thank God for all He has done for you. It's hard to worry and not have peace when you are giving God thanks. Finally, keep your heart and your mind focused on God's promises. He has promised unfailing love and peace to you. Accept that love...accept that peace. 

Now may the Lord of peace Himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with you all. (2 Thessalonians 3:16)

Blessings,

Mandy

New Blog Series - The Names of God

Several months ago, a friend sent me a photo with all the names of God, then a few days ago, a website called Love God Greatly began a study on the very topic. I've decided to use the verses provided from that website to begin my own study on the names of God, and I would like to share that study with you all. 

Yahweh-Yireh

Jehovah-Jireh

The Lord Will Provide

The one thing Abraham longed for was a child. He and his wife, Sarah, were, for all intents and purposes, much too old to have children. God, however, made Abraham a promise that he would indeed have a child. Abraham trusted that God would keep His promise, and though it took a long time, when Abraham was 100 years old, his son Issac was born.

Abraham is mentioned many times because of his faith. His faith was most tested, when God asked what we would consider the unthinkable of him. God told Abraham to take his son Isaac to the top of a mountain and offer him as a sacrifice. To us this sounds barbaric and un-imaginable that God would ask this of Abraham. How could God promise him a son, then just take him away? Abraham, however, full of faith, trusted that God's would remain faithful to His promise and provide.

Abraham took Isaac to the top of the mountain...he built an altar...he placed his son on that altar...he had the knife raised in his hand...God called out STOP! God said, don't harm your son. I know that your faith has been proven true. You wouldn't withhold anything from the Lord, not even your only son. Abraham looked up from his precious boy and saw a ram caught in a thicket. He took the ram, put it on the altar in place of his son, and sacrificed it to God. Abraham named that place "Yahweh-Yireh", which means "The Lord will Provide".

I wonder what Abraham thought and felt as he walked up that mountain. Surely he felt fear, doubt, even dread. Abraham wasn't super human, or immune to these feelings. Surely, he had to fight his way up that hill. His faith was made evident in every step that he took toward the top.  Abraham could just as easily have said, God is out of his mind - there is no way I'm going to sacrifice my only son like that. He could have taken Isaac, and run away - refused to obey.

The parallel between Abraham being asked to sacrifice his son and God sacrificing his one and only son are apparent. Only - there was no substitution for Jesus - He was the substitution for us!

God often asks us to climb big mountains. Sometimes what is waiting for us at the top of the mountain is frightening and we would really rather not trudge up the hill. Like Abraham, we have a choice.  We can faithfully put one foot in front of the other,  trusting that God will be waiting for us at the top of the mountain, or we can ignore Him and run in the opposite direction.

God also had a choice.

Ephesians 2:1-6 (The Message)

"It wasn't so long ago that you were mired in that old stagnant life of sin. You let the world, which doesn't know the first thing about living, tell you how to live. You filled your lungs with polluted unbelief and then exhaled disobedience. We all did it, all of us doing what we felt like doing, when we felt like doing it, all of us, in the same boat. It's a wonder God didn't lose His temper and do away with the whole lot of us.

Instead, immense in mercy and with an incredible love, He embraced us. He took our sin-dead lives and made us alive in Christ. He did all this on His own with no help from us! Then He picked us up and set us down in the highest heaven in company with Jesus our Messiah". 

God chose love, mercy and grace even though we deserved just the opposite. God loved us so much that he gave us his only son. (John 3:16)

Jesus also had a choice. He was sent from heaven by His Father. Jesus knew that obedience to His Father and his journey here would ultimately lead to His death. He knew that every step He took was a step closer to crucifixion. He also knew that every step He took, brought us closer to having a hope of heaven. 

At any time, Jesus could have said - these people are not worth it. They are hateful, ungrateful and this is not worth what I'm going through. At any time, he could have stopped, and returned to a glorious life in heaven. Jesus chose us! Hateful and ungrateful as we can be, He still chose to make each agonizing step toward the cross because He knew that He was our only hope. Without Him, we would never be able to face God covered in sin. With Him, however, we could stand before God, covered in the love, grace and blood of our Messiah, Christ.

Now we have a choice. Life will be difficult no matter what choice we make. Sadly, this is the nature of our sin filled world. We can choose the world - which sometimes seems much easier - doing what we want when we want - but this way is also full of fear of what awaits us at the top of the mountain. 

OR, We can choose Jesus. We can walk through the fear and walk with grace and faith, knowing that Yahweh-Yireh has and will provide for us. He has already provided Jesus and He will continue to provide grace, strength and peace for each step of our journey. He will ultimately provide a beautiful place in heaven for us once we reach the end of our journey. 

Today, I pray that you will choose grace; choose Jesus. The way will not always be smooth and easy. The path will often be rocky and filled with obstacles that seem too large to overcome. However, with Yahweh-Yireh; Jehovah-Jireh, we can make the journey with a sense of peace knowing that He will provide for each step we take.

Blessings,

Mandy

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Anyone who has a chronic illness understands the importance of the relationship with your doctor. It takes time to build a trusting and respectful relationship. Changing or ending that relationship is like breaking up with a long time friend.

When my cancer recurred for the second time in 2012, I made the decision to seek more specialized care. I chose CTCA based on the recommendations of several close friends and CTCA's reputation for excellence. Jay and I have been so happy with the amazing care and patient centered atmosphere there.

A couple of months ago, I learned that effective January 1, my insurance would no longer allow me to receive treatment at CTCA. We discussed this with my oncologist during our last visit and she recommended a Gynecological Oncologist in Phoenix.
With much sadness, we have ended our relationship with CTCA. We will miss our tremendous team there.

Today, we met with my new oncology team at University of Arizona Cancer Center in Phoenix. My doctors here are very kind, gentle and patient. After our visit, we feel very comfortable with the level of care I will receive.

During my last visit at CTCA, biopsies were done for genomic testing. Today, we reviewed the implications of those test results along with my current health status.

For several months, I have been battling a c-diff infection. My immune system is not as strong as it should be, so it has been difficult fighting this nasty little bug. My oncologist is sending me to meet with a GI specialist to determine a plan to treat this effectively. In order to proceed with any further cancer treatments, the c-diff infection must be completely gone.

The next step will be to try and shrink or stabilize the growth of the tumors in my abdomen and pelvis. Due to the location of the largest tumors, surgery is not an option, so we can only treat with chemotherapy.
Unfortunately, the tumors have been proving to be more and more resistant to chemo and we are nearing the end of the treatments we can try.

First, we will try a combination of Avastin and Cytoxan. I have had this combo before and had success in keeping the tumors stable for several months.
Next, there is a chemo called Abraxane. This is a stronger chemo that will be much harder on my body and it is a total crap-shoot as to whether or not it will produce results.
Finally, there is the possibility of a clinical trial. My genomic testing showed two different gene mutations within my cancer cells. At the present time, the only medication available to treat these mutations are in clinical trials. Right now, I do not qualify for a clinical trial due to the amount of chemotherapy I have had in the past. My doctor is working to bring the medication into a new clinical trial without the exclusions based on past treatments. The time frame of this happening is unknown.

While we were not surprised by today's news, it was not what we wanted to hear. We will continue to move forward and hope to get the c-diff under control soon so we can begin the first chemo regimen.

We are thankful that God has provided a kind new team of doctors to work with. We are continuing to trust in His love, timing and plan.

Blessings,
Mandy

I Surrender All

It's that time again. On Sunday, we leave for CTCA in Chicago. 
Originally, we were scheduled to go in July, however, our move back to Arizona happened at the same time, so I postponed the trip a few weeks.
One week before the next scheduled date in August, I became ill with a c-diff infection. I was hospitalized for 4 days. The infection began a chain reaction of illnesses and four weeks later, I'm still recuperating. 

This visit is scheduled for 4 days. I will have a PET scan and a CT scan the first day. The second day, I will have a biopsy done. The doctors would like to conduct genomic testing on the tumor DNA to see if the tumors are changing and what treatments may work best in shrinking / stabilizing the tumors. I will also meet with my oncology team, which consists of my Oncologist, Naturopath, Dietitian and Nursing team. Finally, I will meet with a Genetic Counselor regarding the biopsy results.

Over the past few weeks, God has been giving me one word - SURRENDER. Not just surrender the easy things - surrender the hard things - the big things...ALL THINGS.

Normally, at this point in the week prior to a Chicago trip, I would be scouring the Internet, researching treatments, clinical trials, options. I felt the need to to have plans A; B; C and maybe even D ready to go. I wanted to walk into the cancer center armed and ready with information. I wanted to have an option/answer for any possible scenario. It made me anxious to think about sitting across from my oncologist totally unprepared. 
In a world of cancer, where I have zero control over what is happening to my body, information was my source of control. 

God has been showing me that this goes completely against what He wants. God hasn't called me to spend sleepless nights researching or information gathering. He hasn't called me to attempt to gain control through knowledge or anxiety.

He has asked me to SURRENDER. Surrender my fears...surrender my anxious thoughts...surrender my doubts....surrender my need for control. Surrender to HIS PLAN.

Jesus begged His Father for a different way to heal the world of sin - "Abba Father", he cried out, "everything is possible for you. Please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine." (Mark 14:36)

Jesus was in agony, yet He didn't strategize or propose alternative plans. He surrendered Himself to the will of the Father. Jesus faced more pain than any of us could imagine - physical, emotional - the crushing pain of becoming sin for us - overcoming sin and death for us.

As a disciple of Jesus, I am called to follow after Him. If He was willing to surrender to the Father, then I too, must be willing to surrender my will to the will of God.
Thankfully, the risk of letting go of what "control" I felt I had, is eclipsed by the reward that everything God does / allows has a beautiful purpose and the short time of suffering here makes heaven all the more sweet.

Judy Graham writes in her book God of All Comfort, "God can remove our illnesses and change our circumstances in an instant - the moment they are no longer needed for His divine purposes. Until then, or until He takes us home, we can rest in the fact that our illnesses are part of His good purpose for our lives. God truly uses all things."

God has a purpose for my life, and since this is the path He has placed me on, I will surrender my life to His will. I know that He will work all things - even cancer - for good.
I will surrender the travel plans, the scans, the biopsies and treatments to the will of Abba Father.

Blessings,
Mandy

The Shih Tzu Analogy

Seek His will in all you do and He will show you which path to take.

Proverbs 3:6

Anyone who has ever lived with a Shih Tzu knows how incredibly sweet, snuggly and endearing they can be. They can also be stubborn, obstinate and extremely unyielding. 

A friend of mine once wrote this about her Shih Tzu, "Shih Tzu must be the Chinese word meaning stubborn". 

When a Shih Tzu gets an idea in their cute little head or wants to check something out, they will bound ahead with no regard to the consequences. 

When we take our puppies for walks they love to explore. If something grabs their attention, they will pull like tiny sled dogs and try to drag you to the desired destination. More often than not, the direction they want to go, is not where they should be. It seems as though we spend 90% of our walks trying to drag them back onto the right path. We do our best to help them avoid potential dangers. Here is how the majority of our outings go.....

"No, do not pee on the cactus"

"You cannot walk across storm drains, your feet will get stuck"

"Do not lick that off the sidewalk"

"No, that giant dog does NOT want to play with you"

"Move over, a car is coming"

It is funny and exhausting at the same time. The sad thing is, we go through this routine several times a day - every - day.

Today on our walk, I told Jay that this must be how God often feels with us. He desires that we walk by his side. He sees the dangers and pitfalls that are on other paths, however, something shiny catches our eye and we are off and running toward it.

I can picture God smacking his forehead with the palm of his hand, saying, "No, do not go there again!"

Daily, He is trying to keep us on His path. Sometimes we listen to His advice. Other days, we forge ahead with our own plans and that's when it happens....we get stabbed by the cactus; we get our foot stuck in the storm drain.

Thankfully, our God is so patient and so loving that instead of saying "I told you so", He reaches down and lifts us out of our self-created mess. He bandages our wounds and loves us back to health.

He renews my strength. He guides me along right paths bringing honor to his name. Psalm 23:3

This is what the Lord says - your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: "I am the Lord your God who teaches you what is good for you and leads you along the paths you should follow."

Blessings,

Mandy

Here We Go Again!

Ya'll are not gonna believe this..... As always, there is something happening in the Smith household.

Last week, Jay received a call from a company in Flagstaff. They offered him a job to manage the 4FRI timber thinning projects in Flagstaff and Payson.

After taking everything into consideration and a lot of praying, we decided to accept the job.

So, after a whole 3 weeks in Colorado, we are gearing up to move back to Flagstaff.

We contacted our previous realty company and were fortunate to have an agent to advocate for us & quickly locate a rental home.

We will be moving back in just a couple of weeks. We are excited to go back home and be close to family once again.

I was scheduled to go to CTCA the week of the 19th, however, we will be right in the middle of moving. I opted to cancel those appointments. I have been contemplating the idea of checking out Mayo Clinic or Banner MD Anderson in Phoenix.
The travel to and from Chicago is very hard on both Jay and I. I know that excellent care is available closer to home and may be easier on us all around.
Please pray for this decision!

Keep us in your prayers as we make a new transition!

Blessings,
Mandy

Love Matters Most

Last night, Jay and I discussed all of the negativity existing the past few days. This is has very much been on my heart lately and I am going to share it. I am in no way political and do not care to be. This is simply me sharing my heart with you all.

Social media, the news and general conversations this week have been more heated than I've seen in a very long time. There are many opinions being thrown out into the public eye with little regard for anything or anyone.

Hatred is being expelled everywhere you look. Sadly, most of the hate is being dispensed by those claiming to do so under the banner of Christ. They are hiding under the Christian blanket and attack those who dare to disagree with them.

Is this really how Christians are called to behave? Is this the example given to us by Christ?

Love your neighbor as yourself - Matthew 19:19

Love your enemies. Do good to others who hate you. Bless those who curse you. - Luke 6:27

These are the instructions given by Jesus. Jesus did not tell us to use His word to berate others, nor did He tell us that spewing venom is an appropriate response when things don't go our way.
Jesus told us to do ONE thing....L-O-V-E

How can we send hostility and animosity into the world and expect God to be pleased with us?
How can we approach those with whom we disagree with contempt and expect them to see Jesus and come to Him?

People will not follow Christ if they see those who claim to be His disciples treating others with disgust and hate.

Do we truly want people to see Jesus or do we just want to get our way?
Do we truly want others to follow the light that is Christ?
Then we need to actually try to be LIKE Christ.

Actions truly speak louder than words.

Love doe no wrong to others, so love fulfills the requirements of God's laws.

Love is what matters!!

"It is the Holy Spirit's job to convict, God's job to judge and my job to love" - Billy Graham

Blessings,
Mandy

Transitions

This week we continued our search for a new church home. We worshipped with the Dayspring Christian Church. We very much enjoyed our time there. The people were very friendly and welcoming.

Dayspring is a Christian church. They are not affiliated with any denomination, but much like the church of Christ, each church is autonomous.

We both felt very much at home there and really look forward to visiting there again.


Today, I read one of my daily devotionals, Our Daily Bread. The devotional today was about transition. God certainly knows exactly what I need to hear every day!

Transition is very rarely an easy thing. Often transition involves loss, fear, doubt and discouragement. Each transition Jay and I have faced has required one thing - FAITH.

Jay and I have faced many transitions in our lives together. Loss of family members, Moves, New Homes, New Jobs, Cancer... our one and only constant in transition is God.

In Joshua 1, God requires Joshua to lead the Israelites into the promised land. After 40 years of wandering the wilderness, the time for God's people to inherit the land He prepared for them had come and Joshua was the chosen one to lead them.

God tells Joshua in verse 3..."Wherever you set foot, you will be on land I have given you..."

In the 20 years Jay and I have been married, we have moved to several different states. Each time, each place, was land that God had given to us. Places prepared by God for us.

In verse 9, God tells Joshua "This is my command - be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."

This is such a joyful reminder! God is with us wherever we go, whatever we face - He is there!

Only God knows how many more transitions we will face in the future, but I know that the final transition will be the very best one.

"My Father's house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am." John: 14:2-3

Our final move will be our best move. One day, God will again, lead His people to the promised land. Just as he asked Joshua to lead the Israelites into Canaan, He will ask Jesus to lead His people to the heavenly place prepared for us. Our wanderings will, at long last, be over and we will finally be in the very place that Jesus is.

No matter what type of transition is in your path, Be Strong and Courageous! Do Not Be Afraid or Discouraged for the Lord Your GOD is With You Wherever You Go!!!

Blessings,
Mandy

Soul Food

Yesterday we worshipped with LifePointe Church. LifePointe is a Baptist church with a Community Church vibe. It's a medium size congregation of about 250-300 members (in a college & transient town like Fort Collins, it's often hard to tell). The Student Ministries Director led the sermon. I would like to share the main theme of the lesson.
True Worship - What Sustains a Life of True Worship?

In John 4:27-42, Jesus teaches his disciples the true meaning of worship & nourishment.
After a long journey, Jesus and his disciples land in an uncomfortable place-Samaria. To the Jews, Samaria represented all things un-holy and un-clean. When traveling, Jews would rather cross the Jordan River than travel the  shorter distance through Samaria and risk being "contaminated" by anything Samaritan.
When the disciples realized that Jesus was leading them straight into Samaria, no doubt they felt more than a little ill at ease. To add to their discomfort, Jesus ministers to a sinful Samaritan woman. This woman quickly recognizes Jesus as the Messiah and runs home to tell everyone who she just met. Once she leaves, the disciples encourage Jesus to eat something. Perhaps they thought exhaustion & lack of food caused him to have some form of delerium & that was why he was talking to the Samaritan woman. Jesus told them "I have a kind of food you know nothing about. My nourishment comes from doing the will of God who sent me and from finishing His work." (John 4:33-34)
Jesus had all the nourishment he needed in doing the will of the Father.

To sustain a life of true worship, our nourishment needs to be the same as Jesus. He was so filled by serving God, he didn't need physical food to feel complete.
Where does our nourishment come from? TV; Music; Facebook; Netflix; Gaming; Food & Drink; Shopping...
Each of us has an empty place in our lives that, at some point, we attempt to fill with something other than God. We cannot sustain a meaningful life of worship & service if we feed on the food of the world. The world will ALWAYS leave us feeling more and more empty. Its a downward spiral stopped only when we recognize that what our soul truly craves is spiritual nourishment. God instills this need in each of us. Many don't understand why they have a constant empty place in their hearts. We all need Jesus to fill that void. Only then will we truly be satisfied. What nourishment does your soul need today?

Jesus not only died on the cross, He lived a perfect life. Jesus knew that we could never-ever-ever come close to living the perfect life God required through His covenant with Abraham. Jesus knew that perfection was mandatory. He knew that sacrifice was mandatory. Jesus' love for the Father and for us was so all-consuming, He willingly left the splendor of heaven to walk this world in perfection. His love was so all-consuming, He literally laid himself out on a cross built for sinners to become sin, shame and sacrifice for us.
Jesus was filled, nourished, satisfied by doing what God required. Through that love and sacrifice, we can be covered in His grace and can claim His sacrifice as our very own. We have done nothing to deserve this. We have not and will not live perfectly. We are sinful and unworthy,however, we can now claim all the glory of heaven because of Jesus.

Let's not miss out on the true nourishment and filling that Jesus offers. Instead of attempting to feel complete through the world, allow Jesus to fill and heal all the empty & broken places.

Blessings,
Mandy

Heart & Soul Situation

I love that you all were excited about joining us on our travel adventures! For now, our travel plans are on hold & a new journey is about to begin...searching for a new church to call home.
When we moved to Flagstaff, we visited so many churches that we lost track of the specific nuances of each one. As weeks turned into months, sadly, all the churches blurred together. No only was this frustrating for us, it was highly unfair to the churches. This time, I am determined to do things differently.
I am a compulsive list maker. I love lists. Jay laughs at me because at any given time, I have half a dozen lists going. My first inclination, when beginning our search, was to make a list. I did an internet search & compiled a list of area churches to visit. Next I thought about creating a template to fill out for each church - maybe even add a graph or chart...music team, sermons, bookstore, coffee shop....OY VEY!! My compulsion was in over drive. Thankfully, the Holy Spirit smacked me & made me stop. This is not a list & graph situation. This is a heart & soul situation.
I do want a way to remember each individual church while attempting to capture the heart & soul of each one. I'm doubtful that we will walk through the doors of a church one day & the Holy Spirit will roll out a banner that reads THIS IS THE ONE! It would be amazing, but unlikely. So, if you will all indulge me, I am going to chronicle the churches we visit here. Feel free to jump in at any time & share your thoughts & hearts.
Please know that while I was raised Church of Christ & Jay was raised Baptist, and while we have spent our married life predominantly worshipping in Churches of Christ, we will not be placing limitations on our search. I truly believe that limiting ourselves and placing God in a small denominational box is unfair to ourselves and to Him. There are many Christians out there whose hearts are so sincere in following Jesus & caring for their communities. We will not be focusing on the name on the building. We will be focusing on the hearts & intentions of the church community themselves. Jesus commands us to "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind and all your strength" and "Love your neighbor as yourself." (Mark 12:31) Jesus said that no other commandment is greater than these.
This is where our focus will reside. Loving God & Loving Others. This is the church community we long to find.

Blessings,
Mandy

Learning to Wait

It's official, we are Coloradoans...Coloradoians...Coloradoites...anyway- we are now in Fort Collins. Once we accepted the job, we made our way back to Flagstaff, loaded our moving van, and headed to Colorado.
As we were leaving Arizona I had a very sad moment. I thought, "we just got back home after so many years & now we have to say goodbye again". Then I heard it- the still small voice. I am always in awe when I hear God speaking to me & I know for certain...way down deep in my guts that it IS HIM... He simply said "I have a plan for you two. It's a good plan & if you wait, you will see it too."
(I'm very impatient & He knows this. He has to tell me to wait ALOT!) But just knowing this gave me a great sense of peace as we set out on a new journey.
Our move was delightfully uneventful. When we arrived on Monday, our apartment was ready and 3 young guys with giant muscles lugged our stuff up to the 2nd floor while Jay supervised & I pointed to the rooms the boxes needed to go. It truly was the easiest move we have ever made.
Jay began his new job on Friday. His day was spent filling out new hire paperwork & meeting his new co-workers. He really likes the group of people he will be working with & is excited about the programs being assigned to him. I'm so thankful that he is in a professional environment and will not be facing the exhausting schedule that supervising a logging operation required.
We are looking forward to exploring the area & finding new camping places in the Rockies.
Tomorrow we will begin visiting area churches in the search for a new church home/community. For me, this is so daunting. How do we know which church is the right one? We visited so many churches when we moved to Flagstaff, but none held a candle to our Skyline Church. The process is made more frustrating due to cancer. Because we travel to Chicago every few months & my treatment schedule often doesn't allow me to jump into joining new groups or commit to long term projects, I find myself hanging back & not putting myself out there. I so often long for normalcy. I want to be one of those people who can make 2 year, 3 year, even 5 year plans & not give a moments thought to whether or not they will be around to fulfill those plans. I have to remind myself that my path is simply different.
My path was chosen for me by a God who was, who is and who is to come. My idea of "normal" is not what he designed for me. I must learn to embrace this path & know that He will supply whatever grace, mercy, & courage I will need to walk it. I pray for Him to lead us to a church where we can serve, worship & glorify Him. I pray that I will patiently wait on Him to reveal the plans He has for us.

Blessings
Mandy

All Good Things Must Come to an End

We knew this was a possibility....our trip ending sooner than expected.

On April 9, Jay had an interview with Colorado State Forest Service/Colorado State University in Fort Collins, Colorado. The interview went very well, and they called last week to offer him a Program Manager position. The job is something he really thinks he will enjoy. He will be on staff at CSU and the job benefits are really good.  After taking a couple of days to consider the offer, we decided to accept.

We took a detour to spend a week in Fort Collins to look for housing. Fort Collins is a college town and the housing market has experienced a recent boom. We decided to rent for the first year until we can familiarize ourselves with the area and make more informed choices when we do decide to purchase a home. We spent hours searching the internet and narrowed our search to a few apartments. I haven't lived in an apartment since early college years and Jay has never lived in one, so we were very leery of the whole process. We have been told by several people that the rental market is extremely competitive and if we like a house/apartment, grab it quick, because it won't be around the next day.

We toured one complex and thought the amount of college students that lived there may be a bit much for us old fogies who like to be in bed by 10pm (and for college kids, 10pm is when the party is just getting started).

We toured the second choice on our list and loved it. Gorgeous apartment and a resort style complex with more amenities than I can even list. They had one apartment available for move in early June (this apartment had become available that day and only because the folks who had a hold on it backed out). All the other apartments had a waiting list 35 people deep. We signed the lease that day and will be moving in a few weeks.

We will make a short trip to Estes Park, CO as it is only an hour away. We will spend some time in the Rocky Mountain National Park before slowly making our way back to Flagstaff to load our storage unit into a moving van and make the move to Fort Collins.

We are a bit sad that we won't be able to finish our travels, however, we are very thankful and excited for this new season in our life to begin.

Blessings,
Mandy

Forever Remembered

July 6, 1994 - Storm King Mountain, Glenwood Springs, Colorado.

While fighting a wildfire,  14 firefighters (2 Smoke Jumpers, 2 Helitac Crew and 10 Hot Shots) were trapped in dense oak brush as the fire raged toward them. Unable to make it up the rugged mountain, the 14 gave their lives protecting a town in which none of them lived.

The Storm King fire is very close to our hearts, as it occurred the same year that Jay worked on the Flagstaff Hot Shot Crew. One month after the Storm King 14 perished, Jay and his crew were called to fight a fire in Idaho. The loss of their brothers and sisters weighed heavy on their minds as they flew into Boise.

Our wedding was scheduled for October 8. Every Sunday, our church prayed for the safety of Jay and his crew and for Jay to make it home in time for our wedding. After 30 straight days working on the fire line, our prayers were answered. Rain put out the fire and 3 weeks before the wedding, Jay returned home.

Today, Jay and I had the honor of remembering the fallen 14 at Storm King Mountain. After the fire, volunteers created a memorial trail from the base of the mountain to the places the 14 lost their lives. The trail was left rugged and steep as it was for the fire fighters that day. As you hike, you focus on the demanding and dangerous work the firefighters endured. In the sweltering heat, they carried 60 pounds of gear up the steep slopes, fighting their way through thickets and underbrush.

At the summit, the first memorial stands. It is dedicated to all 14. Here, people leave a variety of tokens ranging from hats, scarves and fire fighter specific mementos.

From there, the trail leads to the top of the escape route they all tried to reach. The trees are covered with t-shirts and bandannas from all over the country. Someone even left a Pulaski fire fighting tool in the tree.

A steep decent then leads to the granite crosses and shrines of 12 of the 14. Here, 2 Smoke Jumpers and 10 Hot Shots are forever remembered. It was obvious they were all trying to help each other, not wanting to leave anyone behind. The two Helitac Crew memorials are another 1/10 mile in the opposite direction. It was a solemn and touching sight.

The mountain is now, 21 years later, regenerating. As a beautiful tribute, yellow daisies, purple wildflowers and green tree blossoms are dotting the mountain. We left our token and our prayers with them on the mountain.

The Storm King 14 - Forever Remembered:
Jon Kelso; Levi Brinkley; Tami Bickett; Jim Thrash; Kathi Beck; Terri Hagen; Doug Dunbar;
Roger Roth; Scott Blecha; Rob Johnson; Bonnie Holtby; Don Mackey; Richard Tyler;
Robert Browning Jr.

Our Greatest Grace

"There is no greater mercy that I know of on earth than good health except it be sickness, and that has often been a greater mercy to me than health...It is a good thing to be without trouble; but it is a better thing to have a trouble and know how to get grace enough to bear it."
Charles H. Spurgeon - The Simplicity and Sublimity of Salvation

I know that some of you are aware of Kara Tippetts' blog and Facebook page, Mundane Faithfulness. Kara, a church planter's wife and mom of 4, passed away on March 22 at the age of 38, following a long battle with breast cancer. In her blog and her book, The  Hardest Peace, Kara chronicles her journey of finding grace amid lifes hard. This brave and beautiful woman kept her heart and her eyes firmly on Jesus throughout her illness. She displayed courage and thankfulness in all things.

Finding grace to bear troubles is not something that happens automatically-we must seek grace. God is willing and able to cover us with His perfect peace and grace, but we must be seekers. Kara wasn't afraid to admit when she was loosing her peace. She was humble and cried out to God. In return, God poured out his peace on her and her family.

We find it easy to shout praises and thankfulness when life is easy or when our prayers are answered the way we want them to be. It is easy to pray for ease of life or for troubles to pass us by.
Praising God and giving thanks in the gray, dark tunnel of sickness, pain and trouble is the hardest praise of all, yet, I believe that this praise penetrates deepest into the heart of God.

Charles Spurgeon said there is no greater mercy than to have sickness and trouble and know how to get enough grace to bear it. What is this great grace?

But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners. Romans 5:8

For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God's glorious standard. Yet God, with undeserved kindness (grace), declares that we are righteous. He did this through Christ  Jesus when he freed us from the penalty of our sins.

This is the greatest grace - JESUS! God gave us His one and only so that we can know grace and live grace and share grace.

"Cancer showed me the gift and strength of weakness, that in the place of utter inability, Jesus was able." Kara Tippetts - The Hardest Peace

JESUS is able! He is able to be our grace and our peace.
I pray today that the grace and peace of Jesus will be with you all.

Jesus said, "My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness"
 2 Corinthians 12:9

Blessings,
Mandy

Busy Travel Days

We have had a busy few days,

Monday was our last day at Zion National Park. We chose to spend the day hiking The Narrows, one of Zion's most loved hikes. Beginning at the bottom of The Narrows, day hikers can opt to hike up to 10 miles, one way upstream and return downstream the same way they came.
This time of year, the water temperature averages between  41 and 43 degrees, and approximately 80% of the hike takes place in the river. We wanted to stay as comfortable as possible, so we rented some specialized gear: Dry Pants, Canyoneering River Boots and heavy duty hiking sticks. We had our own neoprene socks, so we were set. After a few minutes in the water, our feet numbed to a tolerable point.

We fought our way upstream, often in thigh to hip high deep pools. We hikes 2 miles upstream to a stopping point called Wall Street, where the canyon walls narrow to 25-30 feet apart.

It was truly one of our all time favorite hikes.


Tuesday, we packed up camp and drove a few hours to Moab, Utah. We plan to spend a couple of weeks exploring Canyonlands National Park and The Arches National Park.....after a quick side trip.

About a month ago, Jay received a call from Colorado State University in Fort Collins, CO. They asked him to interview for a Program Manager position with their Forest Management Division. His interview is scheduled for Thursday April 9.

We left our camper in Moab at the RV Park and drove the 8 hours to Fort Collins today. The trip should have only taken 7 hours, however, with numerous road work delays, and a car sick puppy, it took a little longer than anticipated. We loved the views along the drive. We say people skiing the mountains at Vail and Copper Mountain. The Rockies are snow covered and stunning!

With Jay's interview tomorrow, we are going into it with the mindset of if this is where God wants us to be, He will open wide the doors. If not, He will place brick walls in our path. We learned this way of praying fro our dear friends, The Steiners.
We ask that you join us in prayer to make the right decisions and that we will have peaceful hearts.

Blessings,
Mandy

O' Zion...Zion!

This week, we are  visiting Zion National Park. We have taken a scenic drive through the park - as far as allowed. This time of year, there are so many visitors to the park, you are required to use their shuttle service to gain access to the main hiking trails and scenic viewing areas.

Yesterday, we spent the morning hiking the Emerald Pool and Grotto Trails. These steep trails aren't quickly navigated, but the views are more than worth the effort. There are three pools, each larger than the last. The middle pool flows down into the lower pool in a beautiful waterfall. Squeals from those hikers under the cool spray can be heard echoing off the canyon walls. In the summer, this is most certainly a welcomed relief, however, on a cool spring morning, most people were content to run through as quickly as possible.

Today, Jay did a hike to Angels Landing. I read the hiking information and because extreme heights and I are not on good terms, I decided to sit this one out. Angels Landing is a strenuous hike with large rocks and boulders to navigate. It has sheer, 1000 foot cliffs with nothing but a thin chain between you and the edge. Many people find this too extreme, and are forced to turn around. Jay loved the hike and did have to assist a lady on his return hike. She could not handle the heights and wanted to go home!

We are looking forward to more exploring and hiking a place called The Narrows - a 3 mile hike in the Virgin River - on Monday.

Being here, it is easy to understand Isaac Behunin - the first permanent European-American settler in the canyon. He stated, "a man can worship God among these great cathedrals as well as in any man-made church - this is Zion".

If, like me, you grew up in a church that sung the old-loved hymns, you too would have the refrain 'Zion...Zion...I long thy gates to see' running through your mind while looking over these great canyons and cathedrals. You can see the very hand of God and feel His near presence.

Blessings,
Mandy

Coral-Pink Sand Dunes

KANAB, UTAH

I can only imagine how the Mormon pioneers felt when they first set eyes on Utah. The landscape is a study in contrasts. The green juniper lined meadows broken only by canyons carved into the earth. The backdrop of rock towers reach to the sky in the most dramatic formations.
It is at these time I wish I had the hands of an artist, my mother's hands, to be able to capture the coral sands stretching across miles of untouched lands.

Today, we are in Kanab, Utah. We spent a few hours driving the sandy back roads and playing in the deep coral-pink sand dunes. The sunny day was made very pleasant by a spring breeze. We took the afternoon to sit outside, read books and not do much else. It was a welcomed break.

Tomorrow we will pack up and drive two hours to St. George, Utah. There, we hope to spend six days hiking and enjoying Zion National Park.

Kanab has been a beautiful beginning to our journey.

The Homeless Debate

We officially have no permanent residence. This feels so odd to actually put onto paper.

We had our lease-end inspection this morning, handed over keys and garage door openers. We said our goodbyes to our cute little house with the big back deck and our blue birds who visit daily, hooked up the trailer, loaded into the Jeep and headed on down the road to Kanab, Utah.

For weeks, Jay and I have been discussing if this choice makes us homeless. True we don't have a sticks and bricks home, but our conclusion is that we are not destitute, we are not without the ability to obtain another home and  have a camper/roof over our heads and a camper = home, therefore, we are not homeless. I know it's simply semantics, but it is something to consider.

What is home? When you get down to it, I truly believe that home is anywhere you are with the ones you love. Home is where you lay your head at night and give thanks for all you have.

So, whether, you live in a mansion, a travel trailer, or anything in between, remember  to fill your home with love and joy. Home is what you make it, or in our case, Home is where you park it.

Blessings,
Mandy

Our Story

Several people have asked me to post our story. It's not that I think our tale is super-special, but I do believe that knowing the back story may help future posts make more sense.

 

So, if you need a cup of coffee or a bathroom break, now would be a good time...we have 20 years to cover :)

 

October 8, 1994 was an amazingly beautiful fall day in Flagstaff, AZ. Surrounded by kith and kin, Jay and I promised to be forever best friends and love each other no-matter-what. Little did we know that "no-matter-what" would happen sooner rather than later.

 

In March, 1996, I underwent my first surgery in Phoenix, AZ. My surgical oncologist diagnosed me with Borderline Ovarian Cancer. The borderline meant that the tumors found on both ovaries were malignant, however, they were slower growing than many forms of ovarian cancer. My surgeon felt confident that all the cancer had been removed.

 

In July 1996, Jay and I moved to Tennessee so that Jay could begin his forestry career. My doctor in Phoenix referred me to an oncologist in Nashville  to continue check-ups. Our first visit with her was in October 1996. After reviewing my records, her recommendation for long term survival was a total hysterectomy and lymph node biopsy. We were stunned into silence. We told her that we would need time to process the information before returning an answer to her. We spent several weeks in prayer and seeking counsel from my Phoenix oncologist, who felt the procedure was unnecessary. After weeks of fervent prayer, we made the decision to err on the side of caution and proceed with the hysterectomy.

 

On December 9, 1996, the surgery was performed. The lymph node biopsies revealed the cancer had indeed spread and was coursing through my blood stream. This meant that chemotherapy would also be necessary. Chemo treatments began on January 7, 1997. I'm not sure if we were just young and hopeful or incredibly naive, but we approached the next six months with the attitude that we would knock this out of the park and move on with our lives. We were new in town and really didn't know anyone, so our families and friends took turns flying / driving out to spend time with us. It was truly our life line.

 

On my 24th birthday, my oncologist declared me "cancer free" and my chemo port was removed. BIGGEST . PARTY . EVER .  We were so thrilled to finally be getting on with life. I continued annual checkups and all was well for a very long time.

 

Jay and I had always wanted children. This was the most devastating part of having a hysterectomy. In 2000, we were approached by a woman that I knew. She confided that she was pregnant with twin girls. She was in her early 40's and stated that she didn't want to & was unable to raise the children. She was aware of our situation, and wanted to know our interest in adopting the girls. Jay and I had discussed adoption, but had never felt called to pursue it - until that day. We prayed, discussed and prayed some more. We decided to proceed. We hired an attorney who specialized in private adoptions and met with a social worker to begin the adoption process. We knew that due to the birth mother's age and the fact that she was pregnant with twins placed her in a high risk category. Knowing this, our social worker told us not to purchase or decorate anything, except 2 preemie car seats and to place the car seats in a closet. We took her advice but couldn't help but be thrilled. Plans to work from home part-time were made, baby names were chosen, and anxiously, we waited. Two months before the babies were due, we were scheduled to tour the hospital and meet with the doctors and nurses to finalize the birth plan. The day before our tour date, we received a phone call. The birth mother had gone into early labor. Both baby girls were born, however, they only lived a few moments. We couldn't breathe, we couldn't speak. All we could do was cry and say that God must know something we didn't and at least the girls were safe in the arms of Jesus. We thanked God that they would never know pain or sorrow. All they would know is love, light and peace in the arms of their Jesus. After the shock wore off, we decided that we couldn't face that type of heartbreak again and chose not to again pursue adoption.

 

In 2008, I underwent surgery to remove my gallbladder. During the procedure, my surgeon noticed a large mass in my upper abdomen. A biopsy returned the results of metastatic ovarian cancer. We met with my oncologist and a second surgery was scheduled. During that surgery, a Gastrointerology Surgeon was called in to assist because a large mass was discovered in my colon. They removed half of my colon and were able to splice the remains back together. After a lengthy recovery, chemo began for a second time. This time, however, one full year of chemo would be required. We determined to face this with as much humor as possible. We were blessed with friends and family that kept our fridge and freezer stocked at all times and ensured we were well cared for. I worked as much as possible and the blessing of a gracious boss allowed me that.

Several times toward the end of treatments, I told Jay that I was done! I was tired of being in pain, throwing up and being bald. Enough was enough!  Jay would calmly encourage me to continue. We were relieved when the year of treatments ended. This time instead of just forgetting and moving on, I was on edge about every ache and pain that occurred. I realized how ridiculous I was being when one day I told Jay, "My toe really hurts -  I wonder why?" With exasperation he said, "Mandy, you DO NOT have toe cancer!" I realized I needed to just get over it!

 

In June 2012, I had a CT scan done because I felt a mass in my upper abdomen. The CT revealed a partially calcified mass...ie: the cancer was back- again.

I had a friend who went to Cancer Treatment Centers (CTCA) in Chicago. He encouraged me to go there when this new diagnosis occurred. I contacted CTCA and was scheduled to undergo testing 2 weeks later.

 

The first time we walked through the doors of CTCA, we knew the right choice had been made. The hope coursing through the facility was palpable. I spent the next 9 days going through a battery of tests and meeting with my new oncology team. The cancer was once again, metastatic ovarian cancer.

 

When ovarian cancer recurs (especially multiple times), it is very unlikely that it will be cured. At best, the cancer can be treated and kept stable for as long as possible. That is our current goal. Through various treatments, the cancer has remained stable for almost 3 years. We are scheduled to return in July to undergo more scans. A biopsy will also be done for genomic testing. They will test the cancer cells against multiple treatments to see what the cancer responds to. This method is much preferred to pulling a chemo off the shelf and hoping for the best.

 

Many prayers are being offered up for a miracle. Often, I pray for that too, but I know that if this cancer can serve a purpose for God - if even one person comes to know Him and His amazing love because of this - then it will all be worth it. So, until God heals me with a miracle, or calls me home to be with Him, I will continue to live this precious life to the fullest. I will not take one day for granted. I will greet each day with a smile, and say "Thank you, God" for one more day, one more moment to see the faces of the people I love and spend it enjoying your creation.

 

I will look at every ache, every pain, every difficulty as a moment to allow HIS grace to shine and be sufficient.

 

Each time he said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.

2 Corinthians 12:9 (NLT)

 

Blessings,

Mandy

Go Live Your Life Music Video

My dear friend LeAnn Covey McCusker teamed up with Jay to submit my photo for this video. I am wearing a white bandana, standing by a lake.

This video and song are so amazing....GO LIVE YOUR LIFE!!!!

Traveling Along God's Path

As many of you are aware, our lives are undergoing some major changes.

 

In December, Jay lost his job. We are grateful that he no longer has to endure the stress and chaos of 70+ hour work weeks, 24/7 ringing cell phones, equipment failures, and dare I say, a bat-crap crazy boss. We are also learning that Forestry jobs are few and far between in the West. The major jobs available in our area are Temp Fire Fighting jobs. Jay did that gig when he was in his early 20's, however, now in his 40's, it's less than ideal. Finding the right job in the right location will require a lot of time, patience and trust that God will supply.

 

Living with advanced stage cancer has taught us that, for the most part, our lives have been lived in 4 to 6 month increments. This is the time span  between chemo treatments, scans, labs and oncology visits. How you live and what you do in those four to six months is crucial.

In March, I was given another 4-month chemo break. We had some choices to make.

We could choose to spend the next four months with our butts stuck to the couch, binging on Netflix marathons while Jay searches for jobs, OR, we could choose to LIVE for the next four months....while Jay searches for a job.

 

We chose to LIVE!

 

Our first step was to give our 30-day notice to end our lease early. We did, and our lease end date is April 1.

 

Step two: DOWNSIZE! For our 20th anniversary, we purchased a 21' travel trailer for weekend camping trips. We went to Bryce Canyon, Utah for a long weekend, and fell in love with RV camping. So, our plan has become to spend the next four months traveling the Western US in our camper.

There were several items either sentimental or too costly to replace easily, so for these things, we rented a 5x15 storage unit. This unit is about the size of a large walk-in closet with 9-foot ceilings. That is NOT a lot of room. Luckily, I am married to a man with mad packing skills and we will have our storage unit filled to capacity. This is no easy feat when you have a wife asking you to store anything from a Kitchen-Aid mixer to a windmill (yep - an actual windmill that my Dad made for me). We have completed the sorting, selling and donating process and are now nearing the end of our lease. We will have everything moved into storage or the camper by the middle of next week, with an official ship-off date of March 30.

 

Our plans are to begin in Utah, make our way up to Montana, then meet my family in Northern New Mexico in early July. We plan to hike in every National Park possible along the way and play in the big beautiful world God has made. Who knows if we will reach the finish line - if Jay is offered a job along the way, we may have to cut the trip short. We do, however, intend on soaking up every ounce of goodness and joy God plants along our path in the meantime.

 

Join us along our journey. I hope that together, we can experience God's love and grace along the way.

 

 

 Blessings,

 Mandy